Let's pretend
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.
"Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
Submitted by leon on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 12:39pm.
“So let me get this
“So let me get this straight,” the prosecutor says to the defendant, “you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man.”
“That’s correct,” says the defendant.
“Upon which,” continues the prosecutor, “you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her.”
“That’s correct,” says the defendant.
“Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?” asked the prosecutor.
“It seemed easier,” replied the defendant, “than shooting a different man every day!”
Wife: And another thing I
Wife: And another thing I want to tell you. I’ve noticed every time you talk, you say my house, my automobile, my chair, my shoes; everything’s yours. You never say ours. I’m your partner. I’m your wife. It should be ours. The husband paid no attention to his wife and just kept looking around the room for something. Wife: What are you looking for? Husband: Our pants!
(-_-)
...
A man left work one Friday
A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
I am fat and you are ugly, I can diet.
all good ones. Here are
Two married Fellas, Jim and Alec were having a beer after work. Jim says: "Have you ever said something when you meant to say something else?"
"What do you mean?" said Alec.
"Well, see the other day, instead of two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Titsberg"
"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Alec. "Last week I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say 'Pass me the Sugar.' But what came out was "You b!tch, you've ruined my life!!!"
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Once upon a time, a beautiful princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel lucky for doing so."
That night the princess had frog's legs for dinner.
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Buddy: "What is the main reason for divorce?"
Game: " Marriage".
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There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!
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Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
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Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
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What is the difference between a marriage and a war?
A marriage is a war in which the enemies can sleep together!
Enough for now
Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens.
Don’t criticize your
Don’t criticize your wife…if she were perfect, she would have married much better than you.
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