This joke is old but it cracks me up every time I read it. There are many more but I chose the funny ones. There U go and njoy.
1. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
2. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
3. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
4. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
5. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
6. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
7. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
8. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
9. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't *&#$@!%': with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
10. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
11.A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
12.Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
13. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
14.Chuck Norris created the hole in the ozone layer by kicking the air.
15. Chuck Norris only uses emergency exits because when you are Chuck Norris, everything is an emergency.
16. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the *&#$@!%': down.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
18. A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.
19. Steven Seagal was once compared to Chuck Norris as a joke. Chuck Norris wasn't laughing.
20.Chuck Norris can crush coal into diamonds
21.Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
22. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.